Daily Archives: January 3, 2011

Adventures in Sailor-speak

It’s quiet here. I’m alone at the RMH. I can actually hear my own thoughts clanking around my head once again. The boys have gone back home after spending almost 2 weeks here with me and my sister (in-law). I kinda, sorta miss the little rug-rats. Their loud, boisterous ramblings about trains and pizza, poop and video games and cuss words. It never ceases to amaze me the odd combination’s of thoughts that flutter through their minds and spill out of their  mouths.

On Christmas Day, Jonathan quizzed everyone about what types of pizza we liked best. He was a bit disappointed when there was only ham and mashed potatoes for dinner! Saturday night, at the RMH, after a huge meal presented by a group of local boy scouts, the RMH ordered 2 extra large pizzas for the roust-a-bouts wandering around. Let me tell you, Jonathan was in 7th heaven. Regardless of the fact that he ate supper , he proceeded to eat 2 big pieces of pizza and probably would have eaten more had I let him. That boy love, love,  loves pizza!

Chuck E Cheese and Pizza for Jonathan's 6th Birthday.

Jonathan and Zachary have both turned into quite the little potty-mouthed sailors while I’ve been incarcerated here. All it takes is one word – they’re current favorite is dumbass. All it takes is for Jonathan is whisper it in Zachary’s ear and they’re off; Jonathan giggling like a girl and Zachary whining. Of course, at the most inopportune time, Zachary will announce to all those within ear-shot that Jonathan has called him a dumbass.

Mooommmm. JonJon called me a dum-ass.

Mooommmm, Zachary called me a butt-hole.

Jacob suggested we institute a swear-jar. We would all have to put money in the jar each time we swore and the amount would depend on the severity of the swear. We all agreed Dad would be broke by the end of the first week. I told Jacob that Dad probably wouldn’t be able to feed them anymore if we made the swear jar an ongoing thing.

Other favorite swears include; sum of a bitch, dammit, poopyhead, poopybutt, butthead, but-tocks (with emphasis on the ‘tocks’) and ass. Or any other creative combination of words for body parts and bodily functions. Okay, so technically the body /bodily combination’s are not ‘swears’, just embarrassingly impolite ramblings. But then there’s Jacob.

Jacob, Jacob, Jacob *shakes my down-turned head back & forth*

Jacob likes to see how many times in one day he can get away with the  word “frickin”. I know, I know, it’s not technically a full-fledged swear – but Jacob knows it’s a substitute for the F-bomb and he is devious in it’s use.

Mooommm, JonJon called Zachary a frickin dumbass. Can you make them stop frickin swearing all the time? Zachary just called JonJon a frickin butt-hole. Mooooommmmm…

Yes, that was an actual conversation.


And then there are the conversations with Zachary while we work on the whole potty-training fiasco.

Zachary: “You (as he points at me with his pudgy, little pointer finger) You don’t pee in my pants.”

Me: “You’re right I don’t pee in your pants and neither should you.”

Zachary: “I promise, nooo more poopin in my pants. I go fart in the toily.”

Me: “Well, it’s okay to fart in your pants, but no more pooping in your pants.”

Really? Did those words just come out of my mouth? Yes. yes they did.

Zachary: “Okay, I can fart in my pants, but no more poopin in my pants.”

Me: “That’s right, let’s put your Thomas underwear on.”

Zachary: “Okay, I won’t pee my pants, Thomas will cry if I pee on him.”

Me: “That’s right, Thomas will be upset if you pee or poop on him.”

Zachary: “Okay, Mommy, I won’t do it noooo more, I promise.”

And then he proceeds to list all the relatives that don’t poop or pee in their pants. Daddy doesn’t….,Mommy doesn’t….., Grandma doesn’t…….., Nothing like a run-down of everyone’s bathroom habits from the 3 year old.

Zachary is actually doing just fine with the potty-training. Which is good, because he starts preschool this week, the church preschool, 2 afternoons a week.

Any bets on how long he lasts before calling one of the other kids a dumbass?

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