It comes to this

I have no words to convey how I feel at this moment. It is with a broken heart and non-stop tears that I must whisper to the wind……

Today I held Capt Snuggles for the last time. I cradled him in my arms as I watched him go. The pain and emptiness I feel is beyond meaure. I am broken.

Advertisements
Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , | 151 Comments

Post navigation

151 thoughts on “It comes to this

  1. Oh sweetheart 😦 My heart is broken for you. Feeling are rushing back of what those last moments feel like. I am so so sorry. Much love to you and your family and peace to Capt Snuggles. My baby will greet him with open arms and chocolate cake. (((hugs)))

  2. Oh sweetie. I am crying with you. Sending you all my love, comfort and prayers.

  3. Oh Amy. I am devastated. I am so, so sorry. Honey, I wish I could be there to give you the biggest hug.
    Kirsten

  4. Oh Amy. My heart is broken for you right now. Sending all my love your way. There are just no words.

  5. i am so sorry! i don’t have the words but my heart is with you. HUGS.

  6. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sending you lots of love and light.

  7. michelle

    Oh nooo omg I am so sorry to hear this I am so sad for you

  8. I’m so sorry Amy. Hearts are breaking around the world for you and your beautiful baby.

    Much love,
    Amy

  9. No words are adequate to say how sorry I am. I hope all of our angels are welcoming Captain Snuggles and I hope that you have lots of support around you. I am sending so much love and strength this evening. I truly am so very sorry from the bottom of my heart. Sleep peacefully Captain Snuggles.

  10. My heart is aching for you…So wish every I and I’m sure everyone else wishes we could be there for you at this very moment;-( Many prayers for you!!~Shari

  11. Amy – my heart is broken. I’m sitting in my office with the door closed sobbing for you both.

    No words…no words…no words that will adequately express my sorrow.

  12. mooney=mc2

    Amy, I am so saddened to hear this news. My heart has just cracked into so many pieces, I cannot imagine your pain right now. There are just no words.

    He fought so hard. YOU fought so hard for him.

    I am so sorry.

    Mindy

  13. jen

    My heart is broken for you. Many hugs and prayers for you and your family at this heart-wrenching time.

  14. hugs, praying, speechless….
    gina

  15. Oh Amy. I am crying with you today. This shouldn’t have happened. I just am speechless. We are thinking of you and of course, Capt Snuggles as you go through this gutwrenching time.

  16. Margie

    I am so sorry for your loss. I remember all too vividly what it felt like to hold my Elijah as he passed. My heart is with you and your family.

  17. Laura

    I grieve with you over your deep loss. I’m so very sorry.

  18. I can not even imagine how much you are hurting. And I know saying I’m sorry isn’t going to help much, but I really am. I don’t know you personally, but do through your blog and I wish I could reach out and hug you.

  19. My deepest sympathy. So very sorry for this terrible loss. We will continue to pray for you and your family.

  20. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you, your family and your sweet Captain Snuggles in my prayers.

  21. Oh dear one,
    I am so very sorry. I am so sorry. We all broke with you. And we will be there as you take your time putting the pieces back together. My dear…there are no words.

  22. Oh how my heart breaks for you! Another precious baby has gone way too soon. I wish there were words to make things right and change the outcome… Our precious angels are all welcoming him with loving arms. My prayers and sincerest thoughts are with you and yours. Rest in peace Capt. Snuggles. God speed. {{{{HUGS}}}}}

  23. Jenn

    Amy. I love you. I’m so so sorry you have to go through this. I’m praying for you just like I have ever since we first reconnected on FB. You have the sympathy and tears and love and prayers and virtual hugs of my family and me. I only hope you can feel them.

  24. I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family.

  25. Sairah

    Oh Amy, no…I am so sorry! I am so sorry my friend…I just don’t have words…You and your family are in my prayers…

    -Sairah

  26. Amy I am so, so sorry for the loss of David! It broke my heart to see this and just hoping u r ok and just remember hun he fought along fight! Wishing u strength and comfort! God bless your family and u!{HUGS}<3

  27. No, no, no, typing through tears. There are no words, no words. I am here for you whenever you are ready. I will always be here.

  28. Mandy Schotter

    Praying for you. May God comfort you. Rely on Him.

  29. broke my heart to read this. know you are being lifted up in prayer.
    jacqui

  30. My prayers, love, and thoughts are with you today dear friend. I am so, so, so very sorry. I love you.

  31. Maggie RN

    Amy– I am, so so so sorry. David was such a beautiful baby, and a fighter. I am so upset, and my heart aches for you. Thank you for letting me take care of him. He, and the rest of the boys, are SO lucky to have you as their mom. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met. You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Again, I am so sorry. – Maggie

  32. Fretful for you 😦 Those numbing last moments and the aftermath of my month-old daughter’s life – all of it spent in NICU – will remain with me until I myself die. Deepest, deepest heartfelt love reaching across the oceans to you today.

  33. Praying for peace, peace that I know you don’t really want at this time. Praying my dear, just praying.

    Love to you David.

    Lord, lift this family up in your heavenly name.

    The Sears Fam.

  34. Oh Amy,
    I’m so so sorry. I can not imagine the pain you’re feeling. Life can be totally unfair. I feel for you. The most I can do is pray for you.

    ❤ Ashley

  35. Oh, sweetheart. My heart sank when I saw this post in my reader this morning. I am so, so sorry, Amy. I wish I had the right words that could offer you comfort. Please know that I am thinking of you, lifting you and your family up in prayer and sending you love. I’m so sorry.

    xoxo
    Angie

  36. Wendy Grace Rolf

    Dearest Amy,
    I came down after lunch to see you and sweet David and I heard…. Oh my sweet, wonderful mother of this precious one.. I send you nothing, nothing but love. You two have held such a large piece of my heart and you both will always be there. I feel blessed to have you in my life and my heart.
    Much love,
    Wendy

  37. Dawn

    There has not been a day, that you have walked this road alone. You have been covered in thought, and prayer. I am more than sorry for your terrible loss… but i hope it brings some comfort to you in the day s to come, to know that Captain Snuggles, has touched the lives of soo many of us. He has made a very strong impact on this world, in such a short time. Your beautiful baby, was adored by us all… held onto, by your arms, and our heartstrings.
    It is with great sadness, that i stand here, as a stranger to you, and can only offer words of love and support. I wish there was something i could do, to ease your aching heart. If there is… please, know that I am here… and willing.
    Thank you for sharing your life, your love, and your precious children… for allowing me a glimps into your world, for even just a brief moment in time. You, have all amazed me on this journey of yours… I hope you always know, how special you all are.

    I am praying for you, and your family … and for a little baby boy, who touched my life so deeply.
    God bless you, and give you peace… and love. xo

  38. Samantha

    I know that I have no words other then to say that I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  39. eva

    I’m so sorry for your loss god speed Captain Snuggles.

  40. carrie

    My heart is broken for you. Thank you for sharing your beautiful boy with all of us….both of you have touched countless lives. I am so very sorry.

  41. Oh no, I am so sorry Dawn… I wish there were words to take away the pain. You and your family will be in my thoughts & prayers.

  42. We haven’t met before but the blog world is wrapping its collective arms around you and praying for peace for your family. Our hearts are broken but we surround you with hugs and prayers.

  43. Wintress

    Thank you for allowing me on this journey what an amazing little boy David is look at all the people he gathered to support his mom at this time. Rest sweet baby we will look after your amazing mom. Much love Amy never forget all of us who stand behind you

  44. I am so sorry! I know those words are so inadequate, wish I could find the right ones that could take even a little bit of your pain away. Please know that I am sending lots of love to you and your whole family. Captain Snuggles is lucky to have such a beautiful mama. The love you have for him will never dissipate and he will always feel it.
    *HUGS*

  45. Claudia

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My family’s prayers and thoughts are with you and your family at this terrible time. Much like many people here, I have never met you but have read about your son’s life and how bravely you have faced everything thrown at you. Grieve at your own pace, celebrate his life and the love he gave you and know that now he is no longer suffering. I tell my daughter all the time that the hardest part of being a parent is not being able to take the hurt and pain away and I can only begin to imagine what you are going through right now. Just know that you are not alone, you have friends and strangers praying for you and your family and you and Captain Snuggles have touched many hearts.

  46. cheryl

    Having stumbled upon your blog, I’ve been drawn in daily by the courage and determination of you and your little boy. Your strength is an inspiration. Rest in peace sweet baby boy David.

  47. Jennifer Canter Vogland

    Amy, please know that you are in my thoughts. I cannot even imagine how you are feeling right now and I know there are no words to comfort. Sending hugs your way!

  48. Sarah L

    Lifting you up in prayer. I wish I had the words to take the pain away. I am so terribly sorry.

  49. Beth

    We have never met, but I have been following your story and praying ever since I saw a prayer request on my sister’s Facebook. My deepest condolences to you and your family on the loss of your precious Captain Snuggles.

  50. I am soo soo sorry. There’s really nothing else can possibly say. I’m so sorry. My thoughts & prayers will be with you 😦

  51. Michelle

    There are no words other than “I’m sorry.” I only hope they can in some way offer comfort.

  52. I’ve been following your story on Band Back Together and praying with everything I had for a miracle.

    I’m so very, very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. ❤

  53. I don’t have any words of comfort. Do know that I am with you in spirit and as everyday since coming across your story will continue to keep you in my prayers. Much love to you.

  54. This was enough words to make me crumple with tears for you. My heart is with you. There are no words I can say to make you feel better so I hope that my support, along with so many others, is enough to help you hang in there. ❤

  55. My thoughts and prayers are with you today and for many days to come. I’m new to you, but have found my way through another Blogger who follows you. I’m so sorry for your loss. We are all here.

  56. I am so sorry about your baby boy. We don’t know each other but I know what it’s like to lose a baby and my heart is breaking for you right now. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts tonight.

  57. Amy,

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. We’re here for you anytime. My thoughts are with your family, every single thought.

    Veronica

  58. Amy, I know I’ve never commented here before, but I recently learned of your story. My heart is breaking right now for you and wish I had the right words to say. You and your family have been in my prayers ever since I first heard your story and I will continue to pray for you all. Hugs – Terri

  59. Mama p

    oh honey I am so sorry 😦 I am so so sorry.

  60. Sending you love and light. I’m so very sorry.

  61. Oh, honey, I’m so very sorry. Continuing to send your family love and light and strength.

  62. all my love to you and your family for there is nothing I could possibly say to fill your gap or heal your hurt. xoxoxo

  63. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Many prayers.

  64. jillsmo

    I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart is broken for you.

  65. Nancy P

    I am so so very sorry.

  66. Miranda

    I am so sorry. I am crying with you. You have had the most strength of any one I know. {{{{HUGS}}}}
    Miranda

  67. Rebekah

    I’m so very, very sorry.

  68. Oh, Amy – I am so sorry for your loss – there are NO words.

  69. I am SO very sorry. There are no words right now.

  70. I am so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts. It’s just not fair for a mother to feel this pain sweetie. Much love to you.

  71. Stacy

    Oh Amy. I’m so sorry. I’ll continue praying for you and your family.
    He fought so hard. You shoould be so proud of him. Y ou fought so hard for him. I’m sure he is proud of you.

    Stacy

  72. I am so sorry!

  73. I am incredibly sorry!!!! My heart is breaking for you!

  74. Stephanie

    My heart is broken and tears are flowing. I will never forget David. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Steph

  75. Melissa

    Sending you my love, and whatever else I can through my thoughts. God Bless, and God please hold David in your arms.

  76. I am just so sorry.

  77. Heather

    I’m so sorry.

  78. Even though I do not know you , your words stretched out for miles and miles and you touched all of us and introduced us to your beautiful baby. You are strong and beautiful – show him now why he was so lucky to have you for his Mom for however brief the time. He was so blessed….

  79. Jill (Jurkonis) Lesch

    Oh, Amy. I am so, so sorry. I hope you and the rest of your family are feeling all of these arms around you holding you up.

  80. Our greatest joys and our deepest sorrows…I believe that Families can be forever and we can all be reunited after this life is over. It has brought me comfort knowing that I will see my parents and brother once again. God bless you in your grief. If you want to know more, contact me at: myelevenreasons@gmail.com
    You are in my prayers, Becky Jane
    http://myelevenreasons.blogspot.com/

  81. I have been reading your struggles and mini-triumphs daily. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your child. I wish there was something more I could say or do.

    Much love, Hed

  82. I only came across your blog and read your story last week. My heart is so, so heavy for you right now. I’m praying for you …..

  83. Oh honey I am so, so, very sorry. My heart breaks for you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers. ((((Hugs))))

  84. I’m so sorry for your loss. May God bless and comfort you in this time.

  85. singlemamatalesitall

    Stumbled across your blog and my Heart and Prayers are with you and your family. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

  86. My heart is crying for you and your family. I pray that God will easy your pain as he cradles Captain Snuggles in his arms.

  87. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your Captain Snuggles is a very loved little man.

    You are in my thoughts.

  88. I am so sorry for your loss. Many prayers for you.

  89. Tara B

    Amy – I am a new writer on World Moms Blog. I am just getting to know your story, and my heart is broken. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I am sending so much love and warm thoughts to you, David, and your whole family.

  90. Allison Charleston

    There are no words to say. You and your family are in my prayers today and always. I’m am so sorry that you had to write these words.

  91. Michelle

    Amy- This is Joe’s wife (he put up the True Kids website). We are so very very sorry to hear this news. I have been reading along with your blog for the last week or so and rooting for your Capt Snuggles to pull through. Our hearts are breaking right now.

  92. There aren’t words. I’m so sorry and my heart is heavy for you and your family and all you’ve been through. Prayers for peace and comfort for you all.

  93. Jen

    I have been following your story on Band Back Together and was desperately hoping for a different ending. I am so tremendously sorry for your loss. Please know you’re in my thoughts and that you are remembered in prayer.

    Jen

  94. Sending you all I’ve got, lady. I am so, so very sorry to hear this.

  95. sharon

    So very sorry Amy. Words are so puny and inadequate at times like this. My heart aches for you and your family in the days, weeks , months and years to come. RIP Captain Snuggles, there is so much love all around you.

    xoxox

  96. Nikki Mitchell

    Amy, I have been following your blog since seeing a prayer request on my friend’s facebook. I cannot tell you how much my heart hurts for you. I have never met you, but I have never been more in awe of a mother. We may all claim to be strong, but when tested, as you have been, I don’t think we could be as strong as you.
    Please know there are so many of us out here who have been affected by you and sweet Captain Snuggles. Thank you for sharing your story and for sharing Captain Snuggles with us.

  97. shaula

    So saddened…and so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  98. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending warm thoughts your way…

  99. dynajo

    I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers will continue for your family.

  100. Jennifer

    My sincerest and most heartfelt condolences on your loss, Amy. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this unimaginably difficult time.

  101. Sonja

    Amy,
    I am sitting in my office in Shanghai, tears pouring out of my eyes. I had been praying for your little man. How I wish I could give anything, anything at all to bring him back. I really admire his fight and yours. You’ve been the best mum he could ever ask for. I don’t know what else to say except that he is loved.
    xxx

  102. I have never met you but I am grieving your loss. As i read the story in past blog posts I couldn’t help tears from pouring down my face. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family during this time.

  103. I’m so sorry. The world is worse for Capt. Snuggles leaving.

  104. You’re right, there are no words. I’m so, so sorry.

  105. missy

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  106. I’m so heartbroken to read these words, to hear this news..

    I’m so sorry..

    There are no words…

    Sending you love..

  107. Amy,
    Tears are r
    Praying for your strength as you try to survive this second “ground zero death of a child” event in your life. I have admired your resolve not to let the urea cycle disorder monster destroy the essence of your children (their brains) after it claimed the first child you had with citrillinemia. Regretfully, I don’t think any parents get to come out winners with this damn monster. . .sooner or later I think that complications from the disorder or a transplant to resolve-it – end up claiming all. God I hope your other two transplant kiddos get to see middle age with my Justin. Maybe by then science will be able to propel them even farther into the future. Please try to be strong. . .and keep focusing on taking every breath and enduring every new sunrise as you have a lot of people who love you and depend on you. Sending lots and lots of prayers. You are the double Purple Heart of UCD/TRUE Kids parents – an honor I’m sure you would relinquish if only you could. We will look to you for much inspiration as you and the rest of us TRUE parents navigate the post transplant experience. May God hold your broken body and bring you lots of visits (if this doesn’t make things worse) with “Captain Snuggles” in dreamland.
    – Joe

  108. Leslie

    Amy,
    I cannot begin to imagine your loss. I found you on Band Back Together and have read your blog since. I am so sorry. Please know there are many of us out here thinking and praying about you and your Captain Snuggles tonight.

  109. Joy

    I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and Captain Snuggles…

  110. Much, much love to you. I know that were it not for the grace of God and an amazing pediatric cardiac surgeon I would be in your shoes. I wish you find some measure of peace. My heart is so, so heavy for you. No mama should have to live through this.

  111. Pingback: Luck of the Draw? « MamaRobinJ

  112. Meagan, RN

    Amy,
    I’m so blessed to have had the privilege to care for David. You are an amazing, strong mother, and he was so lucky to have you by his side throughout this whole fight. I am praying for you and your family, and have been thinking of you all day. My heart goes out to you. He was such a fighter and it’s no question where he got that from. You are truly an inspiration.

  113. So sorry for your loss, my heart is with you. Sharing tears with you.

  114. maggie

    There is no pain greater than this. I am so sorry. You and your family are in the prayers of so many right now, hoping to ease your pain and grief for at least a moment.

  115. Discovered you a few days ago through ICLW, and I just stopped by to see how you were doing and saw this. I’m so sorry. There’s nothing I can say, and I’m a complete stranger. But I’m thinking of you, if that helps one teeny tiny bit.

  116. I am so sorry for you. I pray he finds peace.
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  117. I have nothing…….I’ve been following for just a couple of weeks …. Hoping for the day all would be well…I send you peace, love and light. May you find peace and strength …. XO

  118. I’m crying with you. What else is there?

  119. so so sorry….

  120. elisse

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It breaks my heart to hear your story.

  121. I feel gut-wrenchingly awful. I was praying and praying.

    Crying with you …

  122. Kathy

    Amy, I am truely sorry for your and your family’s loss. No words can express the sorrow, heartahe, or fill the void you have, but pray and faith will help the healing. Your little angel has touched so many lives in his short period of life. Kathy

  123. I am so, so sorry for the devastating loss. My heart and thoughts are with you.

  124. Terri

    So sorry to hear! I have been following your blog for a couple of weeks and was really hoping Capt. Snuggle would pull through. You are a strong women and mother and should know many people are feeling your loss with much heartache. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this incredibly difficult time!

  125. Dearest Amy,
    Your Capt. is a sweet soul that graces our hearts. You amaze me. Really. I’ve been so inspired by your life. By your strength. I thank you so much for allowing us to get to know him through your words. You have so many supporters and I am another one. I’ll be thinking of your family. Please let us know how we can show our support. Is there any organization you would like us to donate to in David’s memory?
    If you need anything please reach out to us because even though we’ve never met, we’re connected through the Capt.

  126. Amy, I know that there are no words that can comfort a mother’s broken heart. Just know that I as well as many, many people are weeping with you now and praying for you and your family. My prayer is that God will give you an extra measure of grace as you go through the process of grieving for that precious child that you have so loved and nurtured. May the God of peace go with you. With love and sincere sympathy, Gloria

  127. Pingback: Bad News | Gethealthywithmichelle's Blog

  128. I am heartbroken for you and your lovely family. God speed Capt Snuggles, I will be praying for you all. Jen

  129. Pingback: We all need to know that someone cares. | mooney=mc2

  130. Amy, I am so sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for you and with you and your family. I really suck at explaining how I feel, just know that you are not alone.
    I was so hopeful for him. Scared when you were scared, joyed when you were.
    I’m so incredibly distraught for you, so sad. I cannot even imagine to understand what you are going through, hon.
    Please know that we are here when you feel ready to reach for us.

    Love, M

  131. Jennifer Miller

    I will never forget David and what an amazingly strong mother you have been for him. His story has touched the hearts of many people.

  132. Peace and love to you. I’m so terribly sorry.

  133. I’m so sorry. I’m praying for your family.

  134. Kayla

    I am so very sorry, I’m praying for your family.

  135. Love and prayers.

  136. Alicia

    I am so very sorry to hear about Capt Snuggles. All of my love is being sent to you and your family. Many hugs and prayers for you as well.

  137. Pingback: Today « The Little Hen House

  138. peace & love be with you.

  139. Erin

    Thinking of you and your Captain Snuggles. Sending Love. He will not be forgotten.

  140. And a piece of this mother’s heart broke off too.

    Peace.

  141. Lizzy

    I am sorry for your loss. I can not imagine the pain. Just know you are an inspiration to many, and there is a lot of love and prayers being sent your way. xo

  142. Sending you my deepest sympathy. I am so terribly sorry. {{{{HUGS}}}}}

  143. Kelly

    There are no words… I only got the news from bandbacktogether and just now found your blog. Just know that I’m thinking of and praying for you and your family. I have a son with a terminal diagnosis, so I was able to relate to your posts, your feelings, your fears – until now. I can’t offer much, and it may seem an odd offer from a stranger, but sometimes it’s easier to let it all out to someone you don’t know – you don’t worry about how you seem or sound when u don’t care what the person thinks. If you ever need to vent, scream, cry, whatever – please know I’m hare if you need me. kellyann9498(at)gmail(dot)com
    Kelly

  144. amErica

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    Your stories of triumph and loss have touched so many.
    My heartfelt sympathies go to you and your family.

  145. I am so sorry. My heart is heavy with your sorrow. Keeping you in my prayers, praying for your comfort and strength. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. ((HUGS))

  146. I am terribly sorry for your immeasurable loss. I was praying so hard from the day I came across your blog. I will continue to pray for you and your family as you try to pick up the pieces and move on, if possible. Thank you for sharing your precious moments with your son with me.

  147. I am so sorry. I pray that God will wrap you, and your family, in his loving arms.
    I heard about your blog from Donna and I wanted to stop by and send you prayers, love and light.
    Lord, welcome Captain Snuggles into your Heavenly Kingdom.
    (((((((HUGS))))))
    Shawn

  148. I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you. Thank you for sharing the story of your son’s life with us. For such a short time on this Earth, he leaves behind an incredible legacy. Your loss is tremendous. I’m so so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you now and in the days to come.

  149. Rebecca

    I just recently found your blog and I am so sad and heartbroken for your loss. Sending love and a hug. May you find peace in the days to come.
    Rebecca

  150. I cannot say I know how you feel, I cannot say I know where you are…. but I can say my heart is with you and sending many prayers with Big gentle hugs ….I hope peace finds its way to you and your family… know I and thinking of you this day…..

  151. So very sorry for your loss. Thankyou for sharing him with us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: