Once upon a time there was a mischievous little minion. His specialty was making messes. He could get into things only a genie was capable of. Somehow he managed to partake in such extraordinary feats of mess-making, I was sure I had a phenom on my hands. A genius of the highest caliber. No ordinary savant, no my Rain-Man was one of a kind.
His name? Why, Zachary, of course. And this is one of his tales of disaster.
Toddlers explore, they are inquisitive, they thrive on cause and effect. If I throw all the clothes out of the drawer, Mommy gets mad and uses words not meant for minions’ ears. Or I wonder what happens when I flush an entire roll of this long white whispery stuff down the big water dish the kitty always drinks out of. Or, my personal favorite, If I could just get that heavy door to the big food carnival open, I could make me a sam-ich.
Yes, life with Zachary was always unpredictable. You just never knew what mischief his 2 year old self was going to concoct. Dump the dvd’s? Empty all the dresser drawers? Climb up on the sewing machine table and unspool all of Mama’s thread? Yes, yes and yes. Often times, these grand adventures were accomplished shortly after waking for the day. Thankfully in his ripe old age of 3 1/2, he no longer feels compelled to seek and destroy with military precision.
Today’s story of plundered condiments takes place precisely 2 weeks prior to the birth of Capt Snuggles. So imagine if you will a large whale (that would be me) trying to keep up with the hurricane savant that is Zachary. I assure you, it was not an easy task.
I suppose it was my own fault for not shackling him to a chair or some such thing, but I was only out of the room for a minute.
You know how pregnant whales have to pee.
The thing is, I just didn’t see it at first. No, I walked past the largest phenom-created disaster ever witnessed by mere mortals and didn’t bat an eyelash. I think maybe it just didn’t register in my hormone addled brain that the sea of brown on the carpeting was something edible.
I walked past this, I did, but something beckoned me back into the room. Maybe, just maybe, out of the corner of my eye, I saw these wee hand and foot prints and wondered “Where did those come from?”.
It wasn’t until I looked, I mean really focused on my bed, of all places, that I began to understand the magnitude of this catastrophe.
So I went searching for the minion. All 8 1/2 months of pregnant me. I went looking for the phenom who, I was pretty sure was just as ooey, gooey, choco-louie as my bed and carpet were.
Sure enough, I found the minion. Covered. Head to toe, in….have you guessed it yet? Chocolate syrup. A. Brand. Spanking. New. Bottle.
So needless to say, I had to steam-clean the carpet, change the sheets and scrub the mattress. Wash his clothes and give him a bath. 8 1/2 months pregnant. That’s what I get for letting the Rain-Man out of my sight for a couple of minutes.
I’m in awe that he opened the refrigerator, found the BRAND NEW bottle of Hershey’s syrup and decided to randomly pour it all over himself, the floor, my bed.
Of course he did try to wash away the evidence.
And when Jacob asked me why I was taking these pictures. I looked him squarely in the eyes and said, Someday, I’ll think it was funny.
And so it is.
This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s Pretty Much World Famous Writing Prompts. One of her 5 weekly choices was:
What did they get into now? Describe a time your toddler got into something they shouldn’t have.