Whine for Sale – Cheap

For a short time, I’m offering up several cases of whine. I’ve been  bottling my own for years and I have way more than I can use. I’ve tried giving it away to friends and family, but I always acquire more at these large family functions than I can possibly swallow.

My cellar is filling up at an alarming rate. I seem to be bottling fresh whine on a daily basis. Time to clear out the old and make way for the new. No reasonable offer will be refused. All of these vintages would make great gifts for your single friends.

Included in this lot are:

The 8 year old whine. This vintage is sweet at first sip, but the bouquet is a little surly around the edges. You might find that this one leaves a bitter taste in your mouth if you partake in too much. While it goes well with chicken nuggets and french fries, keep it away from anything made with soy sauce. Makes a nice going away gift.

I also have an abundant supply of 6 year old whine. This vintage is full-bodied and has a definite salty undertone to it. Since this vintage is not quite as mellow as the 8 year old, and it can pack quite a wallop even if consumed in small quantities. You may need the aspirin before you imbibe. It’s a vintage that goes well with pizza and ramen noodles, but is absolutely ghastly when paired with vegetables of any kind. A nice vintage to share with folks you don’t know very well.

And last but not least is the not so innocent 3 year old whine. In fact, this vintage isn’t even bottled, I put it straight into the boxes. And while this whine looks all light and sparkly, trust me, it’s pure moonshine. This vintage goes well with just about anything, but I would advise using plastic cups as this whine has been known to shatter glass. These boxes of whine are perfect for college dorm parties.

It’s best not to mix and match these vintages, stick with one and you’re sure to have a pleasant evening. Mix them together and you’ll need a designated driver.

On the plus side,  with a little bit of elbow grease and a scrub brush you could use these whines to remove rust. Hell, I’ll even include the kids for an extra $50.

The post is based on a prompt from The Red Dress Club via  Absolute Write.

We want you to imagine you’ve just had a fight with a friend, a co-worker, husband, significant other, child – you get the picture. You’re mad. It’s time for revenge.

What would you sell?

Write a humorous listing for eBay or Craig’s List. Talk about the history of the items, why they must go.

Word limit is 600.

Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , , , | 43 Comments

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43 thoughts on “Whine for Sale – Cheap

  1. I’ll pay you to take my 6 year old whine! Great post!

  2. Would you like a lovely (not) 4yo and 2yo vintage? Might as well build up that cellar with more variety…I can’t take any more of it :p

    Visiting from RDC

  3. It’s always whine-thirty at my house! loved the post!

  4. Pingback: Tweets that mention Whine for Sale – Cheap | transplanted thoughts -- Topsy.com

  5. Oh I have some of that 3 yr old whine myself. Its the 10 yr old whine that REALLY grates the nerves.

  6. I loved your “pairings”!! Priceless. lol

  7. I have a few cases of whine in my basement. If you find a collector, would you throw them my e-mail address, please? Awesome post.

  8. This is genius! 🙂

  9. sharon

    I could offer you a trade – I have some beautifully aged 26 year old whine. All chips in the bottle now repaired. This one had to be returned to the home cellar after a self inflicted nasty accident resulting in several months of being unable to live independently. Cheap beer and tree climbing is apparently a great starting point for a fine whine!

    And, yes, in case you’re wondering, it is the older version of the person referred to in my comment on your previous post.


  10. Jolie

    I love this post – I have 8 and 6 yo vintages myself, and find I’m constantly buying cheese to go with my whine. I like the pairings you suggest though.

  11. Love this post! As a wine drinker, I especially love the pairings. If I didn’t have my own case of six year old whine, yours would almost sound good enough to buy! 🙂

  12. I’m totally embarrassed that I didn’t see the difference between wine and whine when I first read this! Ummmm duh! So much funnier now! 🙂 Good luck getting rid of all your whine!!!

  13. BWHAHAHAHAH that was just awesome… I have 18 y old whine, 14 yo whine and 11 yold whine.. I will trade ya some for that..

  14. I would take it from you but we have PLENTY over here. Love this post!

  15. Woo Hoo! Great post. I had a hard time with this one. Your word flow effortlessly…I may start bottling my own whine.

  16. VERY funny and very creative. I have an ample supply of both the six-year-old whine and the eight-year-old whine and you were spot-on with your descriptions (“absolutely ghastly when paired with vegetables of any kind”–love it!).

  17. Stopping by for TRDC. I love your take on this…so creative. And I can relate. Boy, can I relate.

  18. Ahhh, yes.. I have the 6 year old and 2.5 year old whine myself. Mine also don’t mix well with much other than pizza and chicken nuggets. VERY creative and so funny!

  19. This is hysterical! Love the pairings which accompany each vintage, too.

    Now what would go best with 35 year old whine… hmmmm… 😉

  20. Love, love, love this!

    My favorite bits are your recommendations for best uses.
    So awesome! 🙂

  21. Deb Steiner

    Yea, the whine in my house is getting deep and at times, intoxicating. Great post. 🙂

  22. I have 10 yr old, 13 yr old & 15 yr old whines that are aging at an alarming rate. What would you suggest I pair them with? They CANNOT EVER be paired together.

    Love the post

  23. Oh my goodness! This was pure genius. I laughed so loudly in my cube farm at work that a co-worker came over to check on me. Absolutely LOVE it! We have great “whine” at our house too… 10 y0, 6, yo, 5 yo and 4 yo… plus the occasionally potent hubby whine. Keep up the awesome writing!

  24. Brilliant!! I have some 21 month old whine for sale too. Nothing makes me cringe more.

  25. very, very inventive! I loved it!

  26. and they say life is to short to drink cheap ‘whine’
    but yours are priceless 🙂

  27. I started to want wine until you said I could use it to clean lol
    Great job.
    As always

  28. We’ve got some vintages over here as well.

    Loved this – very clever and, unfortunately, true!

  29. Hilarious! A brilliant take on the prompt.

    This line–but I would advise using plastic cups as this whine has been known to shatter glass.

    Comedy gold. Hysterical.

  30. LOVED it! I’m always telling my daughter I drink wine, I don’t speak it. Guess maybe I should revisit that after reading your awesome post! Great job!

  31. I love this take on the prompt. If you get any takers and run out, let me know. I’ve got some whine I’m looking to unload.

  32. I have to say this is one of my favorite posts I’ve read today (and yeah, I’ve been back a couple of times to read it again and again.) So clever and I’ve been warned so true.
    Oh, and I too have a 38 year old Whine. He doesn’t find me particularly entertaining.

  33. awesome.. i agree with ITSMoments and the alternate uses 🙂

  34. I always enjoy clever word play. Nicely done!

  35. I love this! And the pairings are great.
    My whines are reduced to 70 year old vintage. But I’m expecting to receive excess supplies of 2 year old from the daughter.

  36. What a clever post! I love it!

    I’d take you up on your offer, but I am already well stocked with a 9 year and 5 year vintage. And my 5 is very similar to your 3.

  37. HA HA! Too funny! Love this! Good job!

  38. “And last but not least is the not so innocent 3 year old whine. In fact, this vintage isn’t even bottled, I put it straight into the boxes. And while this whine looks all light and sparkly, trust me, it’s pure moonshine.”

    Yes, I believe we have this in our Private Label, as well.

    Nicely done.

  39. PearlsGirl

    Hilarious! I didn’t do this assignment, now I wish I had.

  40. Thanks for the offer, but I have my own whines at home… I wouldn’t know where to store any more whines.

  41. Visiting you from Blog Gems. Great interpretation of the prompt! I think I have a few bottles languishing in the cellar, will have to pop them on Ebay myself 😀

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