Just a Bad Day

Some days are worse than others. Today is one of those days. I don’t know why, really. Maybe because it’s Monday, maybe because it’s been exactly 6 weeks since David slipped away from me. Maybe I’m just tired. Whatever the reason.

Today is a bad day.

I’m irritable and weepy. I don’t want to do anything but crawl back into bed. Which is exactly what Zachary and I are going to do as soon I get him home from Preschool.

I start thinking about the long list of to-do’s in my head and instead of getting down to business and accomplishing a task, no matter how small, I just shut-down and do nothing.

I hate that feel of nothingness. I hate how it grabs hold of you and won’t let go.

Thank goodness I had the foresight to throw meat in the crock pot. At least, I can accomplish supper for tonite. Because these feelings of hopelessness, feelings of can’t do anything constructive, would be okay if it was just about me – but it’s not. I can’t let myself wallow in the gloom. Which is exactly what I feel like doing.

*sigh*

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a better day.

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Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , | 10 Comments

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10 thoughts on “Just a Bad Day

  1. I just wrote a post about a day I was having like this. Everything was wrong, even when it wasn’t that bad. I was in a funk…BAD.

  2. Kim Woehl

    Begin looking at time in moments instead of days. When we break down our days into smaller bits we begin to see some worth in the day. Tomorrow will indeed be a better day. Give Zachary that extra hug. Sorry its one of those kind of days, but it is certainly to be expected.

  3. These days are bound to happen from time to time. You are a grieving mother and you are making multiple adjustments in your life. Don’t feel bad about feeling bad. Be kind to yourself, and like Kim said, break your day down into chunks. It’ll make those days less overwhelming to deal with.
    Hugs to you.

    Kirsten

  4. Jolie

    I still admire the way you step back and see the positive – that’s right, you did put dinner on already, and come dinner time, you’ll smile knowing something has been cooking all day and you get to enjoy it tonight! Plus I like to come back into the house from being gone to pick up the kids and get to smell the crock pot going – nothing like coming home to good smells!! 🙂

  5. Andie Boylan

    Amy my dear friend. I have experienced grief. The kind that greets you in the mirror in the morning and just lives with you all day. Filling your thoughts and making you second guess yourself. This kind of grief is so all consuming that its hard sometimes to see past it. But trust me my friend, God knows your grief and He has his arms wrapped around you comforting you. Allow yourself to relax in Gods loving arms. Allow yourself to grieve. You have to in order to move forward. And know in your heart that you are surrounded by people who want to help! If you keep thoughts in your head they continue to get bigger and more overwhelming. If you can talk about these feelings to someone else it lessens the space they consume in your head. I always go back to Jeremiah 29:11 even on days when I don’t really want to face any of the God stuff! And know I’m. Here if you need an ear. Really.
    Andie

  6. I remember when my sister was slipping away. I was 15. My mom and I stepped out of the hospital for a second so she could catch her breath, and she really wanted a cigarette, but she was out. So, at 15, I told her, “Mom, if you swear not to yell at me….ummm….I’ll give you one of mine.” She didn’t yell at me. And it made her smile. So, I am here offering you a figurative cigarette. And a hug.

  7. You may not be able to “wallow in the gloom” as you put it, what with everything else that needs doing.. But you do need to allow yourself your time to grieve. 6 weeks is a drop in the bucket of a lifetime of hurting for the loss of a child. Your grief is still fresh. Please.. be gentle on yourself and allow yourself to feel the things you need to in order to get you through each day. Part of healing is the hurt. {hugs}

  8. sharon

    I’m sorry today is one of the hard ones. I wish I could make it better. Well done for getting the dinner made, those small victories are just as valuable as big ones. Tomorrow is another day, it may be better, it may not be, but it is another day with all of its endless possibilities.

    xoxox

  9. Oh these days suck. I wish you could just pull up the covers and wallow for a day or two. As moms it just never happens does it? I’m sorry Amy, I wish there was something I could do. I know that you just need to ride out the waves of pain and grief as they come. I’m sorry.

  10. It is the emptiness that’s the worst. I often foolishly try to fill it with food. Grief emptiness is just so very empty.

    On the other hand, supper is a huge accomplishment, so go you!

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